Laughter is eternity if joy is real

My dad loved this photo. He used to pull it out anytime he wanted to show people pictures of his once epic afro.

He loved it, but I hated it. Every time someone saw a picture of my dad and his hippy hair, they also saw a picture of me in a diaper... wearing my mom's boots. I was embarrassed every time this picture got a public viewing. Dad had other pictures of the massive afro - yet this is the one he displayed. I always thought he was intentionally trying to humiliate me.

I couldn't see the picture for what it was. It was a part of who my dad's identity - his history. But it was also a picture of me... his adorable two year old. Maybe I needed to hear the statement in U2's newest single Get on Your Boots a little more often - "you don't know how beautiful you are."

The embarrassment wasn't intentional. However, there was a purpose in his choice of this picture. It may have been pride in his death defying hair (and who wouldn't be proud to rock an afro like that), but it was also pride in me - his youngest son. The awesome afro wasn't the focus of this picture but a side benefit. The reason for this photo was the boots. My parents wanted a picture of their son doing something ridiculously cute.

I, like most boys have always striven to make my father proud. This picture is proof of a truth I wish I had have known when I was younger: I didn't need to earn my father's pride and there was nothing I could do to make him proud of me. He has always been proud of me, for no reason. I was his son, and that was enough.

I get it now. And I can laugh at this picture. All things considered, I'm sure I have an embarrassing arsenal of photos of my son doing equally (if not greater) ridiculous things. Like my father was proud of me, I am proud of my son - in all his goofy ways.




Get on Your Boots appears on the recently released album No Line on the Horizon.

When the world was younger

This is my parent's life; in 1981 they were young parents with a growing active family. I don't remember if my dad was still in ministry, but I know at one point he was. I don't remember if this was written while my mom was the church secretary, or before. What I do know, is that my mom wrote it (her ornate cursive/print blended handwriting is unmistakable), it was written to my great-grandparents, and it was never sent. (click on the picture for a more legible view)

If I do the math correctly, this was written when mom was the age I am now. That was close to the time (maybe a little before) dad left full time ministry. That was a big time of change in our lives, and those transitions are echoing in my life to day. It was their life. And it is slowly becoming mine. Christian is approaching school-age; Zu is the happy toddler that keeps everyone on their toes.

As I slowly grow into the person my parents were, I can't help but wonder who they wanted to be. What were their dreams? What did they plan for their lives? Twenty-seven years later, are they who they thought they'd be?

When I look through old family photos and unsent letters from the time when my parents were my age, I hear Switchfoot in my head. And I want to sing along, "This is your life, are you who you want to be. This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be." I can't help but wonder what kind of people that my parents would be if things had have happened differently. Or what kind of men that Aaron and I would have become if our parents had have made different choices. I guess that's the curse of being a parent is never knowing for sure how your decisions today will effect your kids in 20 years - and the son's curse is never wanting to repeat your father's mistakes. We do our best, but you can't help but wonder.

This is Your Life is from Switchfoot's fourth album The Beautiful Letdown. While not my favorite album of theirs, it is one of their best... and it is one of the few albums I'd recommend to anyone. Several years ago (at least nine, because I still lived in Seattle) I told my dad that if I was ever in a band, I'd want to make music like Switchfoot. Funny how things change. This is my life. Am I who dreamed that I would be? How about you. Are you who you want to be?